SHOCKED Janet Holt has told how hypnosis revealed she KILLED a farmer who she believes raped her — more than 30 years ago.
Janet, 64, had buried the horrific memories until she went for therapy.
In 1976 Fred Handford, 56 — her business partner on the farm — vanished. Despite a huge police search he was never found.
For more than 30 years Janet, who worked with him on the farm, had no clue what happened to him.
But she had repeated unexplained nightmares about Fred. So she underwent therapy to see if there was something locked deep in her mind.
She was unprepared for the memories that flooded back.
Janet said the recollection was terrifyingly clear — she shot Fred after he twice raped her, then put his body in a wheelbarrow and buried him on their farm.
She said: “There are no words to describe how I felt when I realised. I gave myself in to police.”
Janet was arrested and showed cops where she believed she buried the body. But after extensive searches of the 50-acre site, he was never found and she was released.
Back in 1976, Janet — aged 26 — had been a worker on Ball Beard Farm, Buxton, Derbyshire — where Fred lived — for more than ten years. She felt her relationship with him was like a father and daughter.
But one March day she had a blackout. She woke at her parents’ house and could not remember the previous four days.
Janet said: “I had this urge to go to the farm because I had a feeling something had happened.
“I took my mother with me but Fred was nowhere to be seen. After a while we called the police.”
Fred was declared missing. Janet was quizzed but freed. She thought he might have killed himself.
Then Janet heard of a form of psychotherapy called Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR) — used to recall memories and eliminate trauma.
She said: “The therapy involved me trying to relive the lost four days and moving my eyes from side to side to stimulate the memories.”
After four hours, Janet believes she recalled everything. She said: “Four days before Fred vanished, he raped me twice. I had clear visions of it.
“One afternoon after the attack I walked to the nearby stables to feed my ponies and found a note on the door. It read, ‘I’m sorry. Please look after the animals.’
“I panicked, thinking Fred may have killed himself because of the guilt of raping me.
“The next morning I went to the farmhouse. Fred was in the kitchen, laughing, and said, ‘I knew that note would get you here’.
“He told me to sit down and turned his back to put the kettle on. I was petrified, thinking he was going to rape me again.
“I saw Fred’s shotgun against the wall. Without thinking, I grabbed it and shot him once in the back.
“I’d mourned my friend for more than 30 years, not knowing he was a rapist and I was his killer.”
Retired Janet, who sold the farm, hopes one day Fred’s body will be found. But cops pointed out a thorough dig gave no clues.
They added: “No evidence was found to connect her to Mr Handford’s disappearance.”
Janet said: “I have written a book called ‘A Stranger In My Life’ that shows how we might not even really know ourselves.
“I’m grateful hypnotherapy gave me the answers I needed. I don’t hate Fred — and his family deserve to give him a proper burial.”
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