The Rehearsal that Makes a Lifetime Difference
Excerpted from Choices and Illusions
by Eldon Taylor
Within every human being exists a propensity for greatness.
The gifts may vary, and the greatness may live out in a vast array of
alternatives—say from carpentry to rocket science—but the gift that gives one
true self-respect, lifts the spirit from “same old, same old,” resides within.
It is our ability to do our very best with our talents in every thing we
do. This potential resides within each
one of us—but if so, then why is it so often denied?
Every individual essentially has a self-representation that
is rehearsed and eventually actualized. The process begins by fantasizing at a
very early age. We fantasize a script, perhaps one of those from some Hollywood
production. We begin rehearsing it, and we either abandon it to take up a new
one or practice it until we role-play that script as who we are. Practicing the
script sooner or later automates the behavior. Our imprinting environment plays
a significant role in the alternative scripts available to us. If the parents
are uncaring and abusive, so are the children, and so forth. If warmth and
friendliness lead to embarrassment, then cold and aloof compensate. If honesty
gets us into trouble, then deception becomes a defense strategy, and so forth.
It is much more complicated than expressed here, but simply,
it is also just this way. In fact, every one of us divides ourselves among four
essential views of ourselves. These four faces include the following:
Our actual self.
Our ideal self.
Our ought-to-be self.
Our desired self.
These categories were originally developed by P. A. D.
Singer to show how the different selves conflict with each other. I will use it differently.
Most of us are aware of a so-called actual self. This is the
self that has failed in ways we often will not share with others. This is the
private self. This self holds the thoughts we wish we did not have, the acts we
wish we had not done, our beliefs about our worth, our attractiveness, and so
forth. It is the self of our secrets and our ambitions. It is the self that
most try to change in some way or another at some time in their life—perhaps
even perpetually.
The actual self pales by comparison to our ideal self. The
ideal self is often a construct built by our culture. This self would live a
perfect life—without error and therefore without room for growth.
Then there is our “ought-to-be self.” This is the self full
of all our learned “shoulds” and “oughts.” This self differs from our ideal
self in the sense that many of the oughts are not ours—they are the oughts of
our culture, our society—but deep down inside they are not ours. Sometimes
these oughts are the result of rules that make little or no sense to us;
sometimes the oughts are of codependent negotiations such as those implied when
Mom said things like, “If you loved me, you would not behave that way,” or “If
you loved me, you would do what I said,” and so forth. Still, even when one
recognizes the source and the nature of the ought relationship from which the
oughts themselves arise, they often persist.
Finally, there is the desired self. Somewhere among all of
our other selves is a self that we believe we could be. This is the self we
long for, especially when we are young and planning our future. It is also the
source of much discontent in our later life if the desires have not been
fulfilled—and they rarely, if ever, are.
The ought-to-be self, desired self, and ideal self share
certain commonalities, but they also differ remarkably. There is psychic
tension among them and in their totality, substantial tension between them and
our so-called actual self.
Now, there’s one more thing I wish to add before continuing.
The actual self is seldom the true actual self. The actual self is the self of
self-perception and therefore is complete with every believed limitation that
accompanies one’s private self-perception together with every defense
adjustment our mechanisms have created to protect our self image or ego.
Okay, all of this is accomplished while we are still very
young. In time we gain the wisdom and
insight to become familiar with this maturation process and a myriad of other
operations that function in our culture, our homes, etc. to produce socially
acceptable membership and behavior.
Using one of Shakespeare’s metaphors, life is a stage where we play our
various parts, perhaps it’s time for a new rehearsal. Indeed, change, improvement, true self-actualization
and so forth, all require that we create a new character. Using our power of imagination and
consciously choosing the role playing model we will rehearse, will greatly
assist and facilitate any change.
Therefore, it literally behooves all of us to watch those
conversation exchanges that take place in our head as well as every other
aspect of our “rehearsing” behavior. To
experience our best we must practice/rehearse our best at all levels of our
being. It works—but it can also be much
easier said than done. Still, life’s
cornucopia of joy awaits those willing to make the effort.
Eldon
Taylor
Eldon Taylor has made a lifelong study of the human mind and
has earned doctoral degrees in psychology and metaphysics. He is president of
Progressive Awareness Research, an organization dedicated to researching
techniques for accessing the immense powers of the mind. For more than 20
years, he has approached personal empowerment from the cornerstone perspective
of forgiveness, gratitude, service and respect for all life. To contact Eldon
in response to the story, you can reach him via his website:
http://www.eldontaylor.com
Eldon Taylor's New York Times Best-Seller, Choices and Illusions, is available at
all fine online and retail bookstores. However, to participate in the online
event that Eldon has put together, including a chance to win a customized $500
InnerTalk library, please visit:
http://www.parpromos.com/pp/it/14k/index/R.html
