Fear plays an essential role in nearly all our psychological problems. Whenever trauma knots get triggered by our thoughts or by life events, fear arises. For it was fear of fully experiencing the original traumas that caused them originally to be tied in knots. Stress is fear.
Fear shows itself in a multiplicity of ways. Those who were not loved will often sabotage their close relationships because of fear of being loved. Those who couldn't ask their parents for love will fear doing so with their current partners.
Those who were trained to be tough will be afraid of signs of weakness (weakness according to their definition). Those who learned to be afraid of anger will often have fearful rationales for their avoidance of anger. Phobias, anxieties and depression are symptoms that often have significant roots in fear. Whatever trauma knots you have not resolved will cause you fear (i.e., stress).
| The average two-year-old is a great beacon for emotional health, displaying a full range of emotions and moving beyond them once they are expressed. |
Often we deny the fear, switching instantaneously to anger, addiction, depression, or other favourite dodges. It is often an important first step just to recognize the fear as fear. The process of change can then start, for one can examine the situation more rationally to see if fear is warranted. Perhaps something different next time can be experienced instead of getting locked in the fear. Much fear is fear acquired as a child, which frequently may be discarded once it is in full conscious awareness. If it cannot be discarded, then examining the relevant trauma knots may be required.
There are many available self-help books with the word fear in their titles. They can be most valuable, for almost all therapy problems have some roots in fear. Some of these books suggest turning fear into love. Some suggest facing the fear. Another prescription is to act counterphobically (doing what one fears). When you are in your favorite bookstore, I suggest perusing the self-help aisle. If one of the available books appeals to you, it will probably be right for you.
Emotionally Healthy Adults (with respect to fear)
1. are not fearful or anxious for other than brief periods of time.
2. will experience fear (or anger) if physically threatened. (This is the natural fight/ flight response.)
3. are able to confront and change their fear-causing beliefs to happier beliefs. Thus, they do not get stuck in stress.
4. are often capable of appropriate action, despite high levels of fear.
Few of us achieve the above, yet wouldn't you be happier if you could? Perhaps one of the above possibilities could be a long term goal for you.
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