Sunday, 11 May 2014
Friday, 9 May 2014
7 Quick Social Tricks For Manipulating People
1. Whenever someone is angry and confrontational, stand next to them instead of in front of them. You won’t appear as so much of a threat, and they eventually calm down.
2. Open with “I need your help.” People don’t like the guilt of not helping someone out. When asking for a favour from someone, begin your request by saying “I need your help.” It greatly increases your chances of getting that favour done.
3. Rephrase what the other person says and repeat it back to them. This makes them think you’re listening and really interested in what they’re saying. It makes them feel validated. Obviously, you don’t want to overdo this.
4. If you want someone to agree with you, nod while you talk.This gets the other person to nod too, and they begin to subconsciously think they agree with you.
5. If someone doesn't like you, ask to borrow a pencil. It is a small enough favour that they won’t say no, and it gets them to like you more.
6. Fold your arms to determine interest. If someone is observing you, they will likely mimic you. Fold your arms, and see if they do it, too.
7. Repeat a person’s name many times during a conversation. It helps you remember it, and makes them like you more.
2. Open with “I need your help.” People don’t like the guilt of not helping someone out. When asking for a favour from someone, begin your request by saying “I need your help.” It greatly increases your chances of getting that favour done.
3. Rephrase what the other person says and repeat it back to them. This makes them think you’re listening and really interested in what they’re saying. It makes them feel validated. Obviously, you don’t want to overdo this.
4. If you want someone to agree with you, nod while you talk.This gets the other person to nod too, and they begin to subconsciously think they agree with you.
5. If someone doesn't like you, ask to borrow a pencil. It is a small enough favour that they won’t say no, and it gets them to like you more.
6. Fold your arms to determine interest. If someone is observing you, they will likely mimic you. Fold your arms, and see if they do it, too.
7. Repeat a person’s name many times during a conversation. It helps you remember it, and makes them like you more.
Wednesday, 7 May 2014
10 Hypnotic Selling Techniques
Hypnotic Selling Techniques
DR. DONALD J. MOINE
One: Master Self-Hypnosis
Sales is a stressful profession and even the greatest salespeople get a lot of rejection. When times are tough and sales are few and far between, negative thinking and pessimism abound. Negative thoughts ("our prices are too high... we're in a recession") that are repeated over and over become hypnotic and can drain your energy. The good news is that if you learn self-hypnosis, you can easily replace negative self-destructive thoughts with positive thoughts. I have telephone clients all over the United States who buy an hour of my time each week. Many of my clients have experienced dramatic increases in sales and significant reductions in their level of stress by learning self-hypnosis.
Two: Sell Them On Their Dreams
Find out your prospect's innermost dreams and desires, and piggyback whatever you are selling on those dreams. When people talk about their dreams, they are going into an imaginary future world. They are leaving the mundane here-and-now and are entering a hypnotic state. You don't have to induce hypnosis when people talk about their dreams -- you only have to make use of the hypnotic state they are already in.
Encourage people to talk about their dreams. If you show them that they can achieve their dreams and their ideal state (or part of it) through buying your product or service -- they are likely to buy it! This is a technique used extensively by Tony Robbins, Charles Givens and almost every other supersalesperson in the world today. Remember, people cannot resist their own dreams.
Three: Paint Vivid Word Pictures
Much of hypnosis is based on mental imagery, which is essentially vivid word pictures. If you go to see a clinical hypnotist, he might have you imagine you are floating down a river on a warm afternoon, or that you are sitting on a beach in Hawaii, or floating in the clouds. Such imagery gets people to leave the present moment and present concerns and it frees up the human imagination. It activates the creative, emotional part of the mind and quiets down the critical part of your prospect. Our research on sales superstars shows that they use much more imagery than do average salespeople. Don't be afraid to use mental picture after picture after picture in your sales presentation. To do so is positively mesmerizing and gives you a true competitive edge.
Four: Learn The Instant Replay Technique
If you are selling cars, find out how your prospect bought his last car. If you are selling houses, find out how he bought his last home. Ask questions and listen to learn every mental step he or she went through, the order of those mental steps, and who else was consulted during the decision-making process. When people talk about how they have done things in the past, they get mesmerized by their own stories. And, since we are all creatures of habit, we are very likely to buy today in the same way we have bought in the past. Sell him a suit today in the same way he bought his last suit and the only way he can resist you is to resist himself. Most people find it nearly impossible to resist their own thinking and their own values. He won't know why, but he will find it fascinating (and mesmerizing) to buy from you. Your customer will find that the whole process is almost effortless since it fits in so perfectly with the way he likes to buy.
DR. DONALD J. MOINE
One: Master Self-Hypnosis
Sales is a stressful profession and even the greatest salespeople get a lot of rejection. When times are tough and sales are few and far between, negative thinking and pessimism abound. Negative thoughts ("our prices are too high... we're in a recession") that are repeated over and over become hypnotic and can drain your energy. The good news is that if you learn self-hypnosis, you can easily replace negative self-destructive thoughts with positive thoughts. I have telephone clients all over the United States who buy an hour of my time each week. Many of my clients have experienced dramatic increases in sales and significant reductions in their level of stress by learning self-hypnosis.
Two: Sell Them On Their Dreams
Find out your prospect's innermost dreams and desires, and piggyback whatever you are selling on those dreams. When people talk about their dreams, they are going into an imaginary future world. They are leaving the mundane here-and-now and are entering a hypnotic state. You don't have to induce hypnosis when people talk about their dreams -- you only have to make use of the hypnotic state they are already in.
Encourage people to talk about their dreams. If you show them that they can achieve their dreams and their ideal state (or part of it) through buying your product or service -- they are likely to buy it! This is a technique used extensively by Tony Robbins, Charles Givens and almost every other supersalesperson in the world today. Remember, people cannot resist their own dreams.
Three: Paint Vivid Word Pictures
Much of hypnosis is based on mental imagery, which is essentially vivid word pictures. If you go to see a clinical hypnotist, he might have you imagine you are floating down a river on a warm afternoon, or that you are sitting on a beach in Hawaii, or floating in the clouds. Such imagery gets people to leave the present moment and present concerns and it frees up the human imagination. It activates the creative, emotional part of the mind and quiets down the critical part of your prospect. Our research on sales superstars shows that they use much more imagery than do average salespeople. Don't be afraid to use mental picture after picture after picture in your sales presentation. To do so is positively mesmerizing and gives you a true competitive edge.
Four: Learn The Instant Replay Technique
If you are selling cars, find out how your prospect bought his last car. If you are selling houses, find out how he bought his last home. Ask questions and listen to learn every mental step he or she went through, the order of those mental steps, and who else was consulted during the decision-making process. When people talk about how they have done things in the past, they get mesmerized by their own stories. And, since we are all creatures of habit, we are very likely to buy today in the same way we have bought in the past. Sell him a suit today in the same way he bought his last suit and the only way he can resist you is to resist himself. Most people find it nearly impossible to resist their own thinking and their own values. He won't know why, but he will find it fascinating (and mesmerizing) to buy from you. Your customer will find that the whole process is almost effortless since it fits in so perfectly with the way he likes to buy.
Five: Use Hypnotic Affirmations
We all talk to ourselves all the time. Scientific research has shown that many people talk to themselves at the rate of up to 500 words per minute! Since you are going to be talking to yourself, why not say something positive? Many of the old-fashioned approaches to positive thinking neglected the all-important role of affirmations in self-programming.
What is your attitude towards selling? Whether you are aware of it or not, you are talking to yourself every day about what selling means to you. Are you saying, "Selling is a drag?" or "How did I get into this field?"
I've taught many of the clients in my private practice to use hypnotic affirmations to squeeze out almost all negative thoughts. Repeat these affirmations 1,000 times over the next two weeks: "I love to sell." "Selling is easy for me." "I love to meet new people." "I represent a great company and a great line of products." The constant use of these and other affirmations creates a positive mental state and self-confidence that no competitor can shake.
Six: Utilize The Power of Repetition
Much of hypnosis is based on the power of repetition, whether it is the repetitive swinging of a shiny gold watch or the repetitious use of a word such as "sleep" or "relax." Sales superstars are not afraid to repeat themselves, especially if they are making an important point or a new point. To keep what you are saying fascinating, each time you repeat it, say it a little differently. Use your hypnotic repetitive statement, then talk about something else, then use the hypnotic repetitive statement, then talk about something else, then use the hypnotic repetitive statement again. I supported myself through ten years of university studies by working as a salesman and I developed certain phrases which I repeated hypnotically to set new sales records. Here is just one example: "You will love this product." "You will absolutely love this." "You will completely fall in love with this." "You will love this forever."
In advertising sales, they say that nothing sells like repetition. In selling radio ad spots, for example, you never sell one or two advertisements. No one ever buys a product after hearing about it in one radio ad. Instead, you sell a company a set of 50 or 75 radio spots. Why is repetition so important? Most people are terrible listeners. They miss much of what you are saying, and within one hour they forget about 80 percent of the little bit they did hear. If you don't use hypnotic repetition, you take the risk that your client or prospect might not hear some of your most important messages. Remember that hypnotic repetition works powerfully with both factual and emotional messages.
Seven: Tell Hypnotic Stories
Some of the most powerful hypnotic techniques of all are story and metaphor techniques. When people listen to a story, they tend to let down their guard and become less critical. They "go see a movie" in their mind. When you tell a hypnotic story, they think you "aren't selling," yet you might be making the most powerful sales points in your entire presentation. The subject of sales metaphors and sales stories is too complex to cover in depth here. You can learn the most powerful sales stories by reading Unlimited Selling Power by Donald Moine and Ken Lloyd (Prentice-Hall, 1990). As a starting point, collect, write down and practice the most effective sales stories that are told by the sales champions in your company or industry. Simply mastering these stories could increase your sales by 20 percent or even more.
Eight: Use Hypnotic Sales Scripts
Hypnotic scripts are organized collections of words that are unforgettable: Here are just a few hypnotic scripts we are all familiar with: "To be or not to be..." "Four score and seven years ago..." "Ask not what your country can do for you..." The problem with many salespeople is that they speak in a way that is boring and banal. It is no wonder that they can't get appointments and that customers avoid them. Other salespeople have a way of speaking that sparkles and is fascinating and mesmerizing. The salespeople who mesmerize use powerful collections of words (scripts) that are impossible to ignore.
I've recently done over 30 talk radio shows in cities all across the United States. The reason I have been featured on more talk radio shows in America than any other sales trainer is that I have figured out a way of talking about selling that absolutely mesmerizes talk show hosts and big audiences. I have scripts of powerful word combinations that I use that positively open up people's minds to the world of selling. I use other proven scripts when I give sales training seminars across the United States, Canada and Australia.
Objections are predictable. You should be able to predict every objection that a prospect might raise to buying your product or service. Most important, you should have dozens of mesmerizing, heart-stopping, mind-blowing scripts to use to totally take the power out of these predictable objections. Hypnotic sales scripts are the best guaranteed way to eliminate objections and successfully close sales.
Nine: Build Trust
All of the research on trust points to the fact that we trust and like people who are like we are. The most rapid way of building trust is through the use of pacing techniques, which are matching or mirroring techniques. When you become like the other person by pacing him, you minimize and dissolve differences. When you are like the customer, the only way the customer cannot like you is by not liking himself -- which for most people is difficult to do.
To build trust and rapport rapidly and to send the subliminal message, "I am like you are," pace and mirror the following: speech rate and speech volume, body language, moods and emotions, and opinions and beliefs.
When you completely pace someone, the effect is positively hypnotic. You can get to the place where you can almost predict what they will say next, and that gives you tremendous power and self-confidence in selling.
Ten: Use Intraverbal Suggestions
Intraverbal suggestions come from intonations and voice inflections. When a hypnotist uses the word "sleep," he usually pronounces it in a soft deep voice and extends it out into "sssllleeeeeeppp." The special intonations and voice inflections he uses give the word extra power. In the same way, we have found that top sales professionals turn certain words into action commands by changing their intonations: "Think of how haaapyyy your wife will be when you give her this new sports car!"
In this example, a long resonant intonation on the word "happy" triggers strong positive feelings in the customer. He has an immediate positive experience of his wife's happiness. If the salesman just said the same words quickly and matter-of-factly, they would have little effect. It is the intraverbal suggestion that gives them all their power. Your voice inflection can actually trigger happiness in the listener in the instant he hears such a suggestion!
I encourage clients in my private practice to bring in or mail in tapes of their sales presentations or telemarketing calls. We then identify key words that can be made more powerful through the use of intraverbal suggestion. Finally, we practice using different forms of intraverbal suggestion until we find absolutely the most powerful combination of intonation and inflection.
I am often able to significantly increase a salesperson's closing ratio simply by adding the proper form of intraverbal suggestion to the words he or she is already using.
These ten techniques of hypnotic selling have helped individuals and companies sell billions of dollars worth of products and services. If you use them and practice them, they will work for you. The art and science of hypnotic or mesmerizing selling, while little known today, will soon become as well known as NLP in selling. If you are one of the first to master these powerful persuasion techniques, you'll have a significant edge over your competitors and you will be able to successfully close more sales with less effort.
We all talk to ourselves all the time. Scientific research has shown that many people talk to themselves at the rate of up to 500 words per minute! Since you are going to be talking to yourself, why not say something positive? Many of the old-fashioned approaches to positive thinking neglected the all-important role of affirmations in self-programming.
What is your attitude towards selling? Whether you are aware of it or not, you are talking to yourself every day about what selling means to you. Are you saying, "Selling is a drag?" or "How did I get into this field?"
I've taught many of the clients in my private practice to use hypnotic affirmations to squeeze out almost all negative thoughts. Repeat these affirmations 1,000 times over the next two weeks: "I love to sell." "Selling is easy for me." "I love to meet new people." "I represent a great company and a great line of products." The constant use of these and other affirmations creates a positive mental state and self-confidence that no competitor can shake.
Six: Utilize The Power of Repetition
Much of hypnosis is based on the power of repetition, whether it is the repetitive swinging of a shiny gold watch or the repetitious use of a word such as "sleep" or "relax." Sales superstars are not afraid to repeat themselves, especially if they are making an important point or a new point. To keep what you are saying fascinating, each time you repeat it, say it a little differently. Use your hypnotic repetitive statement, then talk about something else, then use the hypnotic repetitive statement, then talk about something else, then use the hypnotic repetitive statement again. I supported myself through ten years of university studies by working as a salesman and I developed certain phrases which I repeated hypnotically to set new sales records. Here is just one example: "You will love this product." "You will absolutely love this." "You will completely fall in love with this." "You will love this forever."
In advertising sales, they say that nothing sells like repetition. In selling radio ad spots, for example, you never sell one or two advertisements. No one ever buys a product after hearing about it in one radio ad. Instead, you sell a company a set of 50 or 75 radio spots. Why is repetition so important? Most people are terrible listeners. They miss much of what you are saying, and within one hour they forget about 80 percent of the little bit they did hear. If you don't use hypnotic repetition, you take the risk that your client or prospect might not hear some of your most important messages. Remember that hypnotic repetition works powerfully with both factual and emotional messages.
Seven: Tell Hypnotic Stories
Some of the most powerful hypnotic techniques of all are story and metaphor techniques. When people listen to a story, they tend to let down their guard and become less critical. They "go see a movie" in their mind. When you tell a hypnotic story, they think you "aren't selling," yet you might be making the most powerful sales points in your entire presentation. The subject of sales metaphors and sales stories is too complex to cover in depth here. You can learn the most powerful sales stories by reading Unlimited Selling Power by Donald Moine and Ken Lloyd (Prentice-Hall, 1990). As a starting point, collect, write down and practice the most effective sales stories that are told by the sales champions in your company or industry. Simply mastering these stories could increase your sales by 20 percent or even more.
Eight: Use Hypnotic Sales Scripts
Hypnotic scripts are organized collections of words that are unforgettable: Here are just a few hypnotic scripts we are all familiar with: "To be or not to be..." "Four score and seven years ago..." "Ask not what your country can do for you..." The problem with many salespeople is that they speak in a way that is boring and banal. It is no wonder that they can't get appointments and that customers avoid them. Other salespeople have a way of speaking that sparkles and is fascinating and mesmerizing. The salespeople who mesmerize use powerful collections of words (scripts) that are impossible to ignore.
I've recently done over 30 talk radio shows in cities all across the United States. The reason I have been featured on more talk radio shows in America than any other sales trainer is that I have figured out a way of talking about selling that absolutely mesmerizes talk show hosts and big audiences. I have scripts of powerful word combinations that I use that positively open up people's minds to the world of selling. I use other proven scripts when I give sales training seminars across the United States, Canada and Australia.
Objections are predictable. You should be able to predict every objection that a prospect might raise to buying your product or service. Most important, you should have dozens of mesmerizing, heart-stopping, mind-blowing scripts to use to totally take the power out of these predictable objections. Hypnotic sales scripts are the best guaranteed way to eliminate objections and successfully close sales.
Nine: Build Trust
All of the research on trust points to the fact that we trust and like people who are like we are. The most rapid way of building trust is through the use of pacing techniques, which are matching or mirroring techniques. When you become like the other person by pacing him, you minimize and dissolve differences. When you are like the customer, the only way the customer cannot like you is by not liking himself -- which for most people is difficult to do.
To build trust and rapport rapidly and to send the subliminal message, "I am like you are," pace and mirror the following: speech rate and speech volume, body language, moods and emotions, and opinions and beliefs.
When you completely pace someone, the effect is positively hypnotic. You can get to the place where you can almost predict what they will say next, and that gives you tremendous power and self-confidence in selling.
Ten: Use Intraverbal Suggestions
Intraverbal suggestions come from intonations and voice inflections. When a hypnotist uses the word "sleep," he usually pronounces it in a soft deep voice and extends it out into "sssllleeeeeeppp." The special intonations and voice inflections he uses give the word extra power. In the same way, we have found that top sales professionals turn certain words into action commands by changing their intonations: "Think of how haaapyyy your wife will be when you give her this new sports car!"
In this example, a long resonant intonation on the word "happy" triggers strong positive feelings in the customer. He has an immediate positive experience of his wife's happiness. If the salesman just said the same words quickly and matter-of-factly, they would have little effect. It is the intraverbal suggestion that gives them all their power. Your voice inflection can actually trigger happiness in the listener in the instant he hears such a suggestion!
I encourage clients in my private practice to bring in or mail in tapes of their sales presentations or telemarketing calls. We then identify key words that can be made more powerful through the use of intraverbal suggestion. Finally, we practice using different forms of intraverbal suggestion until we find absolutely the most powerful combination of intonation and inflection.
I am often able to significantly increase a salesperson's closing ratio simply by adding the proper form of intraverbal suggestion to the words he or she is already using.
These ten techniques of hypnotic selling have helped individuals and companies sell billions of dollars worth of products and services. If you use them and practice them, they will work for you. The art and science of hypnotic or mesmerizing selling, while little known today, will soon become as well known as NLP in selling. If you are one of the first to master these powerful persuasion techniques, you'll have a significant edge over your competitors and you will be able to successfully close more sales with less effort.
Tuesday, 6 May 2014
Bereavement Counselling Factfile
If you have experienced the death of someone who was very important to you, you might be finding it very difficult to adjust to the immense changes happening in your life right now. Grief can shake everything up - your beliefs, your personality, and even your sense of reality.
Bereavement is the time we spend adjusting to loss. There is no standard time limit and there is no right or wrong way to feel during the bereavement period - everyone must learn to cope in their own way.
Grief, although normal, can manifest in a huge range of unexpected ways. Some people get angry, some people withdraw further into themselves and some people become completely numb. Sometimes, grief can turn into something more serious - like depression.
Bereavement counselling may be able to provide support during these very difficult times. Talking about the loss often allows a person to adjust to their new life with all its changes - good and bad. Keeping things bottled up or denying the sadness could prolong the pain. Any loss has to be acknowledged for us to move forward. Bereavement counselling tries to help clients find a place for their loss so they can carry on with life and eventually find acceptance.
What is bereavement?
The word 'bereavement' comes from the ancient German for 'seize by violence'. Sometimes when someone dies, it can feel just like that - like that person has been forcibly taken away. Today the word 'bereavement' is used to describe the period of grief and mourning we go through after someone close to us dies.
When someone you care about suddenly leaves your life, it's not a case of taking time out to recover. 'Recovery' suggests that you will emerge exactly the same as you were before. In reality, all of your experiences shape the person you are, and experiencing the death of someone you care about often has the biggest impact. Bereavement is about trying to accept what happened, learning to adjust to life without that person and finding a place to keep their memory alive while you try to get along as best you can.
Stages of bereavement
During bereavement, it is important to find ways to mourn our loss and express our grief.
The bereavement period can be a confusing time involving a lot of very powerful emotions. These emotions can grow, fade and shift as we move across the different stages of bereavement. Not everyone experiences the same stages of bereavement at the same time or in the same order. However, most people generally go through the following four stages at some point:
Bereavement is the time we spend adjusting to loss. There is no standard time limit and there is no right or wrong way to feel during the bereavement period - everyone must learn to cope in their own way.
Grief, although normal, can manifest in a huge range of unexpected ways. Some people get angry, some people withdraw further into themselves and some people become completely numb. Sometimes, grief can turn into something more serious - like depression.
Bereavement counselling may be able to provide support during these very difficult times. Talking about the loss often allows a person to adjust to their new life with all its changes - good and bad. Keeping things bottled up or denying the sadness could prolong the pain. Any loss has to be acknowledged for us to move forward. Bereavement counselling tries to help clients find a place for their loss so they can carry on with life and eventually find acceptance.
What is bereavement?
The word 'bereavement' comes from the ancient German for 'seize by violence'. Sometimes when someone dies, it can feel just like that - like that person has been forcibly taken away. Today the word 'bereavement' is used to describe the period of grief and mourning we go through after someone close to us dies.
When someone you care about suddenly leaves your life, it's not a case of taking time out to recover. 'Recovery' suggests that you will emerge exactly the same as you were before. In reality, all of your experiences shape the person you are, and experiencing the death of someone you care about often has the biggest impact. Bereavement is about trying to accept what happened, learning to adjust to life without that person and finding a place to keep their memory alive while you try to get along as best you can.
Stages of bereavement
During bereavement, it is important to find ways to mourn our loss and express our grief.
The bereavement period can be a confusing time involving a lot of very powerful emotions. These emotions can grow, fade and shift as we move across the different stages of bereavement. Not everyone experiences the same stages of bereavement at the same time or in the same order. However, most people generally go through the following four stages at some point:
accepting that your loss really happened
experiencing the pain that comes with grief
trying to adjust to life without the person who died
putting less emotional energy into your grief and finding a new place to put it i.e. moving on.
Most people go through all of these stages, but not everyone moves between them smoothly. Sometimes, people get stuck on one stage and find it difficult to move on.
experiencing the pain that comes with grief
trying to adjust to life without the person who died
putting less emotional energy into your grief and finding a new place to put it i.e. moving on.
Most people go through all of these stages, but not everyone moves between them smoothly. Sometimes, people get stuck on one stage and find it difficult to move on.
1. Accepting that your loss really happened
Nothing prepares us for the loss of a loved one. Even when a person is ill and we see their death coming for a long time.
Most people experience severe shock when they're told a loved one has died. It takes time to really believe that that person, who only recently seemed so real and tangible, no longer exists.
For a while after a loss, you might find yourself looking out for that person in crowds. You might wake up in the morning and forget momentarily that they have gone. A part of you might hope that everyone was wrong, and the person will return to you somehow.
Accepting that your loss really happened is an essential part of the bereavement process. Without acceptance, you may find it hard to really grieve for your loved one.
Nothing prepares us for the loss of a loved one. Even when a person is ill and we see their death coming for a long time.
Most people experience severe shock when they're told a loved one has died. It takes time to really believe that that person, who only recently seemed so real and tangible, no longer exists.
For a while after a loss, you might find yourself looking out for that person in crowds. You might wake up in the morning and forget momentarily that they have gone. A part of you might hope that everyone was wrong, and the person will return to you somehow.
Accepting that your loss really happened is an essential part of the bereavement process. Without acceptance, you may find it hard to really grieve for your loved one.
2. Experiencing the pain that comes with grief
Grief is the agony you feel inside when you realise that you have lost somebody. Grief is complex. It comes in a million different forms - some people cry for days, some people get angry and lash out, other people withdraw from the world and grieve in their own private way. Different emotions associated with grief include:
Grief is the agony you feel inside when you realise that you have lost somebody. Grief is complex. It comes in a million different forms - some people cry for days, some people get angry and lash out, other people withdraw from the world and grieve in their own private way. Different emotions associated with grief include:
sorrow
longing (to see them again)
guilt
numbness
anger
hopelessness
loneliness
despair.
What you feel after a person has died will depend on the relationship you had with that person and the nature of their death. Of course, there is no telling what form your grief will take, and everyone's experience is unique.
As painful as it feels, it is important to let yourself grieve for your loss. Some people lock their emotions inside and try to get on with life as usual. Denying yourself the time to grieve properly could result in complications that prevent you from getting on with life.
longing (to see them again)
guilt
numbness
anger
hopelessness
loneliness
despair.
What you feel after a person has died will depend on the relationship you had with that person and the nature of their death. Of course, there is no telling what form your grief will take, and everyone's experience is unique.
As painful as it feels, it is important to let yourself grieve for your loss. Some people lock their emotions inside and try to get on with life as usual. Denying yourself the time to grieve properly could result in complications that prevent you from getting on with life.
3. Trying to adjust to life without them
Once you have accepted your loss and spent time understanding and releasing your emotions, you may eventually find yourself adjusting to a new kind of life. How you cope with this stage will again depend on what kind of relationship you had with the person who died. If you shared your daily life with them, then the changes to your life are likely to be bigger than if you only saw that person once in a while.
When a big gap opens up in your life very suddenly, it can throw everything into complete turmoil. Suddenly, everything can seem different. You may even feel like you've shifted into a different dimension, where nothing is real. The realisation that everyday life goes on even though your own life has been ripped apart can feel like a massive blow. With time however, your feet will hit solid ground again and you will start to adjust to life without them.
Once you have accepted your loss and spent time understanding and releasing your emotions, you may eventually find yourself adjusting to a new kind of life. How you cope with this stage will again depend on what kind of relationship you had with the person who died. If you shared your daily life with them, then the changes to your life are likely to be bigger than if you only saw that person once in a while.
When a big gap opens up in your life very suddenly, it can throw everything into complete turmoil. Suddenly, everything can seem different. You may even feel like you've shifted into a different dimension, where nothing is real. The realisation that everyday life goes on even though your own life has been ripped apart can feel like a massive blow. With time however, your feet will hit solid ground again and you will start to adjust to life without them.
4. Moving on
One day you will probably get to a point where life begins to take you on a new route. You may always remember the person who died, and you may continue to grieve for their loss forever - but naturally you will begin to 'move on'. This is not a bad thing. It does not mean you are heartless, or that you are somehow being a traitor to your loved one. It simply means you have found a way to channel your emotions into new things. In other words - you have found a way to cope.
One day you will probably get to a point where life begins to take you on a new route. You may always remember the person who died, and you may continue to grieve for their loss forever - but naturally you will begin to 'move on'. This is not a bad thing. It does not mean you are heartless, or that you are somehow being a traitor to your loved one. It simply means you have found a way to channel your emotions into new things. In other words - you have found a way to cope.
The importance of mourning
Mourning is an important part of bereavement. Mourning involves rituals like funerals, wakes and anniversary celebrations, which help to add structure to an otherwise chaotic and confusing time.
Mourning allows us to say goodbye. Seeing the body, watching the burial, or scattering the ashes is a way of affirming what has happened. As hard as it is, sometimes we need to see evidence that a person really has died before we can truly enter into the grieving process.
Mourning is an important part of bereavement. Mourning involves rituals like funerals, wakes and anniversary celebrations, which help to add structure to an otherwise chaotic and confusing time.
Mourning allows us to say goodbye. Seeing the body, watching the burial, or scattering the ashes is a way of affirming what has happened. As hard as it is, sometimes we need to see evidence that a person really has died before we can truly enter into the grieving process.
Coping with grief
Many people compare their grief to waves rolling onto a beach. Sometimes those waves are calm and gentle, and sometimes they are so big and powerful that they knock you off your feet completely.
Sometimes, the wave of grief can be so powerful that it leads to:
Many people compare their grief to waves rolling onto a beach. Sometimes those waves are calm and gentle, and sometimes they are so big and powerful that they knock you off your feet completely.
Sometimes, the wave of grief can be so powerful that it leads to:
Not wanting or feeling able to get out of bed.
Neglecting yourself - not taking care of your hygiene or appearance.
Not eating properly.
The feeling that you can't carry on living without the person you've lost.
Not feeling able to go to work.
Taking your feelings out on other people.
All of these reactions are normal parts of bereavement - unless they go on for a very long time. If you feel like you are no longer coping with grief very well, you may need some extra help from a bereavement counsellor. Specific reasons for needing professional support include the following:
Neglecting yourself - not taking care of your hygiene or appearance.
Not eating properly.
The feeling that you can't carry on living without the person you've lost.
Not feeling able to go to work.
Taking your feelings out on other people.
All of these reactions are normal parts of bereavement - unless they go on for a very long time. If you feel like you are no longer coping with grief very well, you may need some extra help from a bereavement counsellor. Specific reasons for needing professional support include the following:
You are beginning to drink a lot.
You are tempted to or starting to take illegal drugs.
You are having suicidal thoughts.
You are acting recklessly.
You are starting to behave violently.
Suicide grief
All loss is devastating. However, grief after suicide can be a particularly complex process. Family and friends left behind by a person who dies by suicide often experience an explosion of confusing feelings. Self-directed anger and guilt are natural reactions to suicide. It's easy to start blaming yourself and wondering if you could have done something to help. It's also natural to feel angry at the person themselves. What were they thinking? How could they do this to you? Why didn't they tell you how they were feeling?
Although everyone's grief is different, there are generally thought to be three stages of suicide grief:
1. Numbness or shock - At first you might feel like you've stepped into a slightly different dimension. Everything will feel different and it's possible that you'll even want to distance yourself from others to avoid facing what's happened.
2. Disorganisation - Eventually you will come to a point where you'll be ready to address what's happened. You might feel lonely, depressed and deeply sad at this point. People often have trouble eating, sleeping and functioning normally. It's during this stage that people tend to go over and over the days leading up to their loved one's suicide, agonising over what they could have done and wondering why it happened.
3. Reorganisation - Over time the initial shock and horror of the situation will begin to fade as your loss becomes a part of your life. You will begin to get back into the day-to-day swing of things and soon you will be able to focus on other things in your life.
How to tell if grief has become depression
Unlike depression, grief is not considered a mental disorder. Sorrow, anger, confusion and emptiness are all natural reactions to death. However, when these low feelings last for a very long time, it may be worth seeking additional support. Of course, there is no 'normal' length of time for bereavement. In fact, bereavement never really 'ends'. It's not as if we go through all these stages and then come out the other side all shiny and new and ready to get back on with life. Loss stays under the surface of our lives and continues to permeate long after it first happened. Sometimes all it takes is a certain date, a place, or a song, for all of that grief to come surging back.
So how do you know if grief has become depression? Grief and depression share a number of symptoms, including:
sadness
insomnia
loss of appetite
weight loss.
One of the main differences between grief and depression is that grief comes in waves while depression is like a cloud that hangs over everything. Sometimes, a grieving person is able to forget their sadness for certain lengths of time - perhaps when concentrating on something, perhaps when surrounded by people who make them feel happy. Grief is triggered by things - a smell, a sudden memory - while depression is pervasive, cutting through everything.
Signs that grief has turned into depression include:
feelings of guilt unrelated to your recent loss
a feeling that you are worthless
feeling sluggish, drained and confused
struggle to speak coherently
difficulty carrying out everyday tasks
hallucinations.
If you think you, or someone close to you, is suffering from depression, then it is important to find support as soon as possible.
You are tempted to or starting to take illegal drugs.
You are having suicidal thoughts.
You are acting recklessly.
You are starting to behave violently.
Suicide grief
All loss is devastating. However, grief after suicide can be a particularly complex process. Family and friends left behind by a person who dies by suicide often experience an explosion of confusing feelings. Self-directed anger and guilt are natural reactions to suicide. It's easy to start blaming yourself and wondering if you could have done something to help. It's also natural to feel angry at the person themselves. What were they thinking? How could they do this to you? Why didn't they tell you how they were feeling?
Although everyone's grief is different, there are generally thought to be three stages of suicide grief:
1. Numbness or shock - At first you might feel like you've stepped into a slightly different dimension. Everything will feel different and it's possible that you'll even want to distance yourself from others to avoid facing what's happened.
2. Disorganisation - Eventually you will come to a point where you'll be ready to address what's happened. You might feel lonely, depressed and deeply sad at this point. People often have trouble eating, sleeping and functioning normally. It's during this stage that people tend to go over and over the days leading up to their loved one's suicide, agonising over what they could have done and wondering why it happened.
3. Reorganisation - Over time the initial shock and horror of the situation will begin to fade as your loss becomes a part of your life. You will begin to get back into the day-to-day swing of things and soon you will be able to focus on other things in your life.
How to tell if grief has become depression
Unlike depression, grief is not considered a mental disorder. Sorrow, anger, confusion and emptiness are all natural reactions to death. However, when these low feelings last for a very long time, it may be worth seeking additional support. Of course, there is no 'normal' length of time for bereavement. In fact, bereavement never really 'ends'. It's not as if we go through all these stages and then come out the other side all shiny and new and ready to get back on with life. Loss stays under the surface of our lives and continues to permeate long after it first happened. Sometimes all it takes is a certain date, a place, or a song, for all of that grief to come surging back.
So how do you know if grief has become depression? Grief and depression share a number of symptoms, including:
sadness
insomnia
loss of appetite
weight loss.
One of the main differences between grief and depression is that grief comes in waves while depression is like a cloud that hangs over everything. Sometimes, a grieving person is able to forget their sadness for certain lengths of time - perhaps when concentrating on something, perhaps when surrounded by people who make them feel happy. Grief is triggered by things - a smell, a sudden memory - while depression is pervasive, cutting through everything.
Signs that grief has turned into depression include:
feelings of guilt unrelated to your recent loss
a feeling that you are worthless
feeling sluggish, drained and confused
struggle to speak coherently
difficulty carrying out everyday tasks
hallucinations.
If you think you, or someone close to you, is suffering from depression, then it is important to find support as soon as possible.
What is bereavement counselling?
Bereavement counselling is designed to help people cope more effectively with the death of a loved one. Specifically, bereavement counselling can:
Bereavement counselling is designed to help people cope more effectively with the death of a loved one. Specifically, bereavement counselling can:
offer an understanding of the mourning process
explore areas that could potentially prevent you from moving on
help resolve areas of conflict still remaining
help you to adjust to a new sense of self
address possible issues of depression or suicidal thoughts.
You will probably never stop missing the person you lost, but with enough time and the right support, a new life can be pieced together and purpose can be reclaimed.
Bereavement counselling aims to get you to the point where you can function normally - however long it takes. One day, you may be able to find happiness again. By creating a place to keep the person you lost, and finding ways to remember them (like anniversary celebrations, or leaving flowers at a memorial site), you should be able to preserve their memory and honour the impact they had on your life, without letting their absence obscure your own future.
With time, pain does settle.
explore areas that could potentially prevent you from moving on
help resolve areas of conflict still remaining
help you to adjust to a new sense of self
address possible issues of depression or suicidal thoughts.
You will probably never stop missing the person you lost, but with enough time and the right support, a new life can be pieced together and purpose can be reclaimed.
Bereavement counselling aims to get you to the point where you can function normally - however long it takes. One day, you may be able to find happiness again. By creating a place to keep the person you lost, and finding ways to remember them (like anniversary celebrations, or leaving flowers at a memorial site), you should be able to preserve their memory and honour the impact they had on your life, without letting their absence obscure your own future.
With time, pain does settle.
Saturday, 3 May 2014
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)